We've got dozens of other dumb threads, why not another?

This thread is dedicated to those little quotes that make your day. Maybe someone says something so stupid, it makes you smile to think about it. Maybe its something so profound, or maybe its something so insanely funny that you think you're going to asphyxiate from laughing.

Here is mine:

"Why? I dont even like camping"

--A girl I know after I told her she was getting a dutch oven

for her birthday.

Not a quote, but a conversation with my super cheap friend..made me LOL

David says:

civic was flooded

David says:

did u hear?

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

flooded?

David says:

last week's rain was enought to wet the interior

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

oh

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

yeah

David says:

and it stinks

David says:

now the O2 sensor needs replacement

David says:

the shop wanted $329

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

LOL

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

the part costs like 10 bucks

David says:

I went to advanceauto and got it for $55

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

or 55

David says:

new

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

it's a Honda

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

so it's more expensive

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

i forgot

David says:

will install it myself

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

well yeah

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

it's easy

David says:

but we had to pay $45 to get a reading on the pop up light

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

LOL

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

you can get it free at autozone

David says:

they will test it?

David says:

for free?

Kimura™ the Dodgefan says:

yup

David says:

FUKING ASS

Edited August 9, 200816 yr by Dodgefan

DF - I have no earthly idea what you were trying to describe above.

-- -- -- -- --

I am currently driving my family nuts with this :

"He's sleigh-riding now!"

Edited August 9, 200816 yr by balthazar

I have a goatee right now. I was at my mom's on Thursday. She said, "I like your little face thing. What do they call that, a mullet?

A face mullet.

A face mullet.

That is a F*CKING awesome ride in your signature!!!

A face mullet.

Hmmm...a fullet??

DF - I have no earthly idea what you were trying to describe above.

-- -- -- -- --

I am currently driving my family nuts with this :

"He's sleigh-riding now!"

It was a conversation on msn messenger. He's one of those ultra cheap people who doesn't like to spend any money if he can avoid it. Apparently the check engine light came on his sister's Civic, and they paid $45 to find out what it was, only for me to tell him they do free scans at Autozone.

I know, not really a quote, but I haven't heard any good ones lately, and it made me laugh.

Well there is one...see how many of you know what it's from..

"But I poop from there"

"Not right now you don't."

Edited August 9, 200816 yr by Dodgefan

me - "hey man what weighs more, a ounce of feathers or an ounce of gold?"

coworker - "duhh they weigh the same..."

coworker - "... wonder how much an ounce of gold weighs..."

another instnace...

coworker - "man have u tried these banana chips? its strange, they taste like banana's, but they crunch like a chip"

>>"That is a F*CKING awesome ride in your signature!!! "<<

Kicks ass, don't she? P-59.

Another quote, this one from high school:

"So do I just have to walk up to the White House and ask for an application for President?"

That has since, amongst my friends from that era, become the standard way of over-simplifying things.

My girlfriend: So, if you can go randomly, anywhere in the state (NY) where would you go?

Me (just choosing for no reason): Buffalo?

Her: NO! i said in NY, Dumbass!

Had a couple of gems at the office today.

"I will fart in your mouth"--thats actually a great way to get someone to quit being annoying

"Is it just me or does that guy smell Amish?"

From High School, circa 1995 or so... (spoken by airhead brunette)

"Vietnam was a WAR not a country!"

Watching a car auction once with a friend. An old pickup truck comes on the block that has pieces of wood inlaid into its bed - so you could slide items in and not scratch the metal. She sees this and says:

"If I ever get a truck, I'm going to get somebody to put wood in my box!"

She didn't like it when I told her I'd do it for her.

"I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"

co-worker at UPS

~ "I'm 2/16th Lithuanian"

ME: oh, so you're 1/8th?

~ "Yes, except I had a great-granmother

& also a great-greatfather from there so

that's TWO-sixteenth..."

A phone conversation:

Her- What are we doing tonight?

Me- DVDA

Her- Gross

DVDA!!!!!! i had to explain that to a girl the other day.... she seemed creepishly interested!

Anything with a wikipedia entry is valid in society

DVDA!!!!!! i had to explain that to a girl the other day.... she seemed creepishly interested!

Now I'm afraid to ask what it is....

oh... my..... god

satty? that bucket list you mentioned in another thread? heres your goal!

Triple-Double

Hey now, we have a couple of frot boys here as long-time members. Don't make fun of them!

Well there is one...see how many of you know what it's from..

"But I poop from there"

"Not right now you don't."

I believe it was from a western-themed porn film. Dunno the title, never seen it.

"I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron." - Pvt. Caboose

"But I poop from there"

"Not right now you don't."

I very randomly broke that out today. Got a laugh.

But today's rather awkward quote:

"If she were the last woman alive on earth, I'd become a necrophile"

I didn't know necrophile was a word, but apparently it is.

Just had this gem of a convo:

Her: Why does the bathroom smell like burning hair?

Me: Dunno, I usually burn my hair in the fireplace.

Her: I'm serious

Me: Isn't the better question, "why doesn't the rest of the house smell like burning hair?"

Just for the record, the bathroom in question is the rarely used 2nd bathroom. I think the last time I was even in there was when I took some bad (very old) Pepto-Bismol and puked for about 10 minutes straight. That was a couple months ago.

And for some unknown reason, there are 4 brand new, unopened tubes of toothpaste, all different brand, in the medicine cabinet.

Edited August 22, 200816 yr by Satty

Speaking of all things poop, I had an adventure last night..was up washing sheets and a comforter at midnight because Diarrhea Dog jumped in my bed. Amazing how much a 10lb dog can poo..

Me: I cant do that

Guy on phone: Why not?

Me: Because you're Canadian

Guy on phone: Racist

Not really the best choice of words on my part.

A phone conversation:

Me: Hey

Her; Hey, whats up?

Me: I was just about to walk into the bathroom

Her: Ok, call me later, let me know how it goes

Me:

I think she was talking about the school thingy I had to do earlier, but I'm not sure.

Me: I cant do that

Guy on phone: Why not?

Me: Because you're Canadian

Guy on phone: Racist

Not really the best choice of words on my part.

I didn't know Canadian was a race! :rotflmao:

I didn't know Canadian was a race! :rotflmao:

Next thing you know you'll be saying we should be having our own schools.....

My sister, to her boyfriend: "You never abuse me!"

"I'm gonna drink til my liver explodes"

"Whats in it? Rufees?"

I have to say, I missed bar night.

D.P. porn is one of the depraved, whoreish things that can be a turnon

in some real wacky porn, but then there's just... too much. My god is

DVDA even possible at all, never mind without a big sloppy gross man

sandwish 4-high?

Horrific

Speaking of all things poop, I had an adventure last night..was up washing sheets and a comforter at midnight because Diarrhea Dog jumped in my bed. Amazing how much a 10lb dog can poo..

holy $hit... reason number 582,406,235,886 why I do not

care to own a dog anymore. Holy hell good luck w. that.

DVDADODN(nose)DE(ear)

Just picture that one.

Today when I went to Target to pick up my new Perfect Pushup and some workboots, there was a plain police car, a dark gray Charger, parked on the sidewalk. Two officers were standing near the entrance to the store. I was going to say "Hello officers, are you looking for the guy who parked on the sidewalk?" But I chickened out at the last moment.

Today when I went to Target to pick up my new Perfect Pushup and some workboots, there was a plain police car, a dark gray Charger, parked on the sidewalk. Two officers were standing near the entrance to the store. I was going to say "Hello officers, are you looking for the guy who parked on the sidewalk?" But I chickened out at the last moment.

I'm confused? Were you going to ask the police that question before or after you put on your PUSHUP Bra?

Co-Worker: Hey, what are you doing right now?

Me: Contemplating the meaning of life.

Co-worker: How's that going?

Me: Pretty well, I think I'm close.

How about my favorite despair.com poster:

CUSTOMER SERVICE

If we really cared about our customers, we'd send them somewhere else!

Today, after class:

Me (to a classmate): You just made a date rape joke in front of a room full of college girls, I'm amazed you're alive.

People are freaking dumb.

Edited September 17, 200816 yr by Satty

My boss: Did you come in yesterday?

Me: Yeah, I came in a little after 9 and left at about 1

Boss: Oh, didn't notice

I feel so loved.

Satty, did you get the memo about the TPS reports?

My not-so Catholic views on childrearing:

"If you can't afford them, don't have them."

Yesterday, during my morning commute, I heard a lady describing the formula for how (additional) children trasnslate into dollars and health benefits from the state. Is it any wonder some states are having difficulties balancing their budgets?

last Friday I stopped by the old shop to check on the guys and There where to Engineers looking at a charred control box. Then the one just turns and says "That &#036;h&#33;'s f@#ked." It must of been the circumstance but that was the most funniest &#036;h&#33; i heard in a long ass time.

"If you can't afford them, don't have them."

"Can't Feed 'em, Don;t breed 'em!"

(common bumper sticker)

Although who knows... maybe with the current

Socialist regime about to control this country

as of Jan. 2009 maybe a litter of kids combined

with welfare & such will mean no matter how

many you breed, the government will make the

out tax dollars FEED (the unemployed).

School isn't always boring:

POLICE BRIEFS

A man entered Maag Library yesterday and began talking to himself. When questioned he became defensive, then claimed that he was Satan and that he wanted to kill someone. For his safety and the public's, he was taken to St. Elizabeth's hospital.

More of the conversation of the day:

(to set the scene, we're in the wagon on a winding country road, going to get firewood)

Her: Hey look, cows!

Me: Yeah

Her: Isn't it too cold for cows?

Me: What?

Her: Dont they do something to keep the cows warm? Like birds going south or something?

Me: What? Cows dont fly south for the winter.

Her: No, like cattle drives or whatever.

Me:

I was literally speechless.