I don't know if any of you are interested ( or if the link will work), but I got on a roll one day and wrote this:

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=7045...&topic=7792

Liked it thoroughly. IMO, it's a worthwhile piece to try and get back into it & expand it.

Any chance the Ideal will throttle Joe and bury him in the flower bed head down, then neatly replant the Rudebeckia right on top of the soles of his LL Beans ?? BTW, Kelly doesn't happen to pole-dance on the west side of town on 'Jazzercise Tuesdays' to pay for her Botox, does she? It'd be a shame to let an ass like that go to waste.

-- -- -- -- --

A long-time buddy of mine is a writer, sends me stuff all the time to read, ironically I just read a short scrible from him 30 minutes ago.

Thanks man.

It was fun to write, I'm not sure what I'll do with it (or Kelly for that matter).

She and the kids are blank sheets at this point.

For those who have read it, I am interested in your reactions.

Please post.

Camino, you've hinted at this side of yourself before, but this is quite an eye-opener. I like this piece. It's a great intro to a bigger story. I'd like to read more. Thanks for sharing this.

interesting.

kinda makes me think ..it's a commentary on most anytime a populace gets complacent or just when people stop examining why things happen and take other peoples words on how things are done, or why things happen. you start to loose your individuality and just start going by group think.

A static existence isn't much of one... never stop learning, never stop caring, let "yourself" always have some personal, true, joys in your life. try not to be fake, but try to get along with others....

i'll stop there.

you, be interesting to read more when you keep adding to it.

Wow that was pretty good Camino!

Thanks guys.

This was a new direction for me in writing and it felt great when I was doing it.

It keeps pulling me back, so maybe there will be more where it came from.

I just don't know yet.

I'm being badgered to continue this story, so I could use any and all feedback from anyone who has read it.

I'm not sure where I want to take it (or even if I can get the groove back), but I'm interested in the impact it makes on the reader.

So, if you read it and didn't post, please do.

Critical (even negative) reactions are all welcome.

This was quite good, Camino. Color me impressed.

IMO, you don't really need to extend it. I think it stands just fine as-is, but go for it if you want.

This was quite good, Camino. Color me impressed.

IMO, you don't really need to extend it. I think it stands just fine as-is, but go for it if you want.

Thanks!

I actually agree with you, but I've been asked to continue it - so I'd like to try.

Hey guys, I'm not looking to get my ego stroked here - I want to know other stuff:

- Did it make anyone angry?

- Did it offend anyone?

- Any errors?

- Did you find the premise to be silly?, meaningful?, provocative? etc.

- Like Balthazar, are you left wondering about Kelly?, or the kids?

- Any stylistic citicisms?

so on, and so forth...

Hey guys, I'm not looking to get my ego stroked here - I want to know other stuff:

- Did it make anyone angry?

- Did it offend anyone?

- Any errors?

- Did you find the premise to be silly?, meaningful?, provocative? etc.

- Like Balthazar, are you left wondering about Kelly?, or the kids?

- Any stylistic citicisms?

so on, and so forth...

I think you angered Pink Floyd, Pink will require monetary compensation ...

Is this the Stepford Husband?

So mr ideal has no job or obligations? heh

I think you angered Pink Floyd, Pink will require monetary compensation ...

Is this the Stepford Husband?

Caught that, did you?

Pink is out of luck on the monetary thing - blood from a stone and all that.

So mr ideal has no job or obligations? heh

I don't know, it's Saturday.

Caught that, did you?

I don't miss much ... :AH-HA_wink: