Example:

Good news - you're finally going skydiving!

(next poster:)

Bad news - when you jump, your parachute won't work!

(next poster:)

Good news - There's a truck full of pillows conveniently placed right below you to cushion your fall.

(next poster:)

Bad news - there's a bear driving the truck!

------------

I'll start:

Good news - You just won a Cadillac!

Good news- I just entered this thread!

Good news - You just won a Cadillac!

Bad News - It's a Cimarron

Good news (everyone!) - It has a freshly rebuilt drivetrain out of a Sunbird Turbo and suspension upgrades.

Beat me by a minute, black-knight, so I'll edit...

Bad news - it also came with EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! upgrades in the interior.

Edited December 21, 201213 yr by Lamar

Good news - You put your new Hot Rod Cimarron up for grabs at Barret-Jackson, and someone was just drunk and/or high enough to buy it for $7k.

Edited December 21, 201213 yr by black-knight

Bad news: you take a tumble while dancing on the bar in celebration, and your hospital bill is $6995.

Good news: that figure is in Dominican pesos, which equals US$225.58 at today's rates.

Bad news: You drank the water.

Good news: Though you inevitably felt the effects of traveler's diarrhea after returning home, you at least got to do so on the comforts of your own toilet.

Bad news: your toilet decided to back up at just the right time so now you have diarrhea water all over your bathroom floor.

Good news: your trusty pup cleaned it all up for you, then licked your mother-in-law's face sweetly.

Bad news: .... then promptly re-expelled the waste in your freshly resto-modded Monte Carlo. From both ends.

Good news....nothing a little rain could not solve....

Bad news.... The rain water was acid rain on that new paint job.

Good news: you were tired of the guys in the car club ragging on you about your mauve Monte Carlo anyway. Time to change the color!

Bad News, Wife loves the original Color as does the man your having an affair with.

Good news - Both of them found out that you are a big old filthy man whore. Wife divorces you, takes the Monte Carlo and sells it for pennies on the dollar on Craigslist. Your boyfriend leaves you soon after, leaving you in a pool of your own emotional vomit, compelling you to commit suicide. Since you're just a big old whiny bitch, you go through with it. Good job, jackass. You're dead now ...

... except this was all really just a bad dream. You aren't having an extra marital affair with some dude you met in Dallas (although, because of you dreaming about it, you're probably going to go to counseling soon and wind up in a gigolo gang bang with your wife to expel your repressed feelings), your Monte Carlo was never real to begin with, your dog has been dead for years, you never went to the hospital or Barrett-Jackson, and the Cadillac you won was actually a 2010 CTS-V wagon and not a turbo-powered Cimarron pro-tourer.

Edited December 22, 201213 yr by black-knight

Bad news: you find out your 2010 CTS-V wagon needs a throttle position sensor...

Good news....fixed under warranty!

Bad News, your dealer has creepy mechanics who break other parts to keep you coming back.

Good news: your dash cam works.

Bad News: Police say they will not allow the recording to be submitted as evidence.

Good news: the courts go over the police's head and subpoena the recordings.

Bad News: Most of the recording is not viewable due to the x rated nature of what went on, on the hood of the car while in the shop.

Good news: The jury gets down like that.

Bad News: The dealership is given a D- for performance on the video, C+ for repairing the Auto initial issue and a F for breaking some other item to cause return business.

all problems fixed for free by a different mechanic (old mechanics pay for it out of pocket themselves as ordered by the judge)

Bad news: different mechanic really is "different". He starts stalking you on Facebook. Waaay too publicly!

Good News, Your Crazy Cousin informs you he has decided he really likes the looks of the Stalker Mechanic and is going to stalk him back till he disappears.

Bad news: Stalker Mechanic discovers Crazy Cousin, beats the tar out of him, and then comes after you claiming that you sent Crazy Cousin after him. He chases you out of your house, over your back fence and down the road. You're screaming bloody murder the whole way and he's laughing maniacally, this entire spectacle making a huge scene and alerting your already wary-of-you neigbors to the comedy of tragedies that is your life.

Edited January 23, 201313 yr by Turbojett

Good News: That hotty of a Cougar comes out of her house and tasers stalker mechanic putting him down with 50,000 volts to the jugular.

Bad News: She's, like, a dude, man.

Good News, He borrows all his cloths from his sister who likes to spend her days in the kitchen cooking and is looking for a man she can pamper.

bad news: you're a really great friend and a real sweet guy, but...

Good news: You dodged a huge bullet since she has - unbeknownst to you - MAJOR control issues.

Bad news: She was just released from jail for imprisonment of her last boy toy.

Good news: You dodged a huge bullet since she has - unbeknownst to you - MAJOR control issues.

That's the good news?!

Good news: it's because the charges were dropped.

Edited February 7, 201313 yr by Turbojett

(Bad news: Turbojett quoted the wrong person. )

On-topic bad news: We really don't know where that boy toy is now...

Good news: you land a dream job. You really, really like it.

Bad news: After a few months, they hire your old boss (that you despise) to be your new boss.

(been there, done that)

Good News: Your old Boss died under suspicious circumstances and his secretary is missing.

Bad news: Now you'll never get to know that secretary...

Good news: Rumors has it the secretary has a bunch of STDs.

Bad News: Division Director has decided on a ReOrg and has called a staff meeting.

Good news: That just got bombed....

Bad News: The company was bought out by the competitor and the Director and everyone else is out to cover their ass. So trying to figure out what happened to your boss and his secretary is history. Now you have to worry about your job.

Good news: another company wants to hire you for much better pay..

Bad News: The company is in the south side of Detroit.

Good news: There is no "south side" of Detroit (since downtown is already south) - so what that really means is you get to work in Canada! Yay!

Look at a map of Detroit/Windsor if you don't get what I'm saying.

Bad News: They want you to live along 8 Mile!