Satty

Sheriff

I'm going to be up late, which means I'll wake up late, which means I'll be running late and won't have time to buy my morning coffee from a pretty young redhead. I live, literally, the worst life imaginable.

My bathroom smells vaguely of pine, so I feel like I'm pooping in the woods like some sort of hobo.

It's nearly noon and I've only had one cup of coffee.

Fact: Pontiac is not a current GM brand. Fact: Pontiac was a heavily fleeted brand through the 90's and 00's. Fact: Time travel isn't possible. There is no Pontiac right now, nobody wants what Pontiac has been for the last 20 years and there isn't a way to re-live the days when Pontiac was relevant.

Wife was asleep, wasn't about to turn a light on and deal with the consequences.

I just used my phone as a flashlight in order to get across the room and find my charger and plug the phone in. Now I have to re-navigate the dark room sans flashlight.

I'm buying the patent on that thing and you're making a commercial with that tag line.

I saw a silver sedan the other day that was quite dull in appearance. It didn't look familiar so I glanced at the decklid and sure enough it was a Sonic. If GM does it right, they could have a replacement for the late-90's Civic here, if its solid, reliable and boring to look at, people will flock.

It's too dark in here to masturbate right now.

I was shot in the face with a Nerf gun earlier and the dart didn't stick to my forehead so I didn't get to run around pretending to be a narwhal.

Masturbation

911 GT2 RS total cargasm

Clean, unmodified examples will run closer to $7-10 grand but they'll run forever. It isn't tough to find one that was bought to be a boulevard cruiser.

Unfortunately its supposed to be near 80 today. Maybe I'll throw it in the river, then they'll have to replace it.

I saw an elusive SX4 this morning, rolling on a donut, the driver smoking on Virginia Slims. It was a classy scene.

My bacon isn't perfectly crispy.

If you can't find a decent CJ or TJ on Craigslist for under $4 grand, you're a failure at the internet. But if you really want something new that isn't a modern car, I'm sure the good people of India would welcome you to their country to sample a Nano.

The SX4 is barely worth being called a car.

That didn't last, now did it?

Puh-lease, anything after 1479 is crap, I'm talking the real stuff with pan flutes, gemshorns, psalteries and lutes. But you've probably never heard of any of those.

My cell phone insurance keeps paying to fix my phone when what I want is a new phone.

You can spec a Wrangler Unlimited up to $40 grand. When you think about it, you get like 6 vehicles in one. You can drive it every day to take the kids to school, you can carry just about anything Home Depot sells, you can drive it up a mountain, in the summer its an open-top cruiser, in the winter its a blizzard-beater. I think the fact that it has power windows and air conditioning is just fine.

$27k isn't bad at all, if you want an '86 Jeep hop on Craigslist and find an '86.

The Lion King on Blu-Ray is amazing, it feels like 1994 all over again but with better picture and sound.